Holiday the Divorced Way


Holiday the Divorced Way

By Steven B. Chroman, Attorney at Law

Every year I write an article with holiday advice. These are helpful tools and suggestions; however, we recognize that reading and doing are two very different things. This can be one of the most difficult times of the year, regardless of your marital status. My number one advice- do the best you can. You’re human and no one- NO ONE can or should tell you how to feel. In the meantime, here are some tips to help. And remember, gym memberships don’t have to be just for getting in shape, it’s a great way to meet new people and get out those pent-up emotions!

  • Accept your parenting plan and choose to make the best of it as it is. Schedule your holiday plans around your parenting agreement;
  • Create and enforce a conflict-free zone around yourself and your children. (At least try to);
  • Focus on your time with your children instead of the time you aren’t going to be together;

  • Be ruthless about keeping your children out of the middle. This means not placing them in the terrible position of having to choose between parents. As the adults, you have to find a way to work things out;
  • Start new family traditions for your family. Instead of trying to replicate your old family traditions, create something completely new. Break out of old thinking and get creative;
  • Be flexible. Find ways for everyone to “win.” Holiday dates are much more important to adults than children. Children are usually quite happy celebrating a day or so late. In fact, depending on their age, your children may not even notice-if it is a gift-giving holiday, what child is going to mind having two days to open presents instead of one?!;
  • Steer clear of engaging in the “I can provide a better holiday than you can” competition with your child’s other parent;
  • Help your child make or purchase a gift for the other parent. Yes, I really mean this! By doing so you are demonstrating respect for the other parent. And in the process, you are modeling thoughtful and gracious behavior for your child;
  • Stop trying to change or even influence your child’s other parent. Chances are very good that it isn’t going to happen. When it’s all said, and done, the only person you can change is yourself. The sooner you can accept this, the more peace of mind you’ll have;
  • Expect the best outcome instead of the worst. Visualize yourself and your children having a wonderful, stress-free holiday – no matter how you spend it.

For more information and a complimentary consultation, please call The Law Offices of Steven B. Chroman, P.C., at 661-255-1800. Mr. Chroman is a Trusted Advisor Award Winner and named Top 100 California Attorney’s with over 20 years of experience and local service.

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