Posts Tagged ‘CoParenting’


The Divorced or Separated Back to School Guidebook

Tuesday, December 6th, 2016

The Divorced or Separated Back to School Guidebook

By Steven B. Chroman, Attorney at Law

Summer went by faster than expected yet again and school is back in session. That means a change of schedule, a change of weather and — when you’re divorced — a change in how you need to interact with your ex.

After all, just because you are no longer husband and wife (or boyfriend and girlfriend), you are still mom and dad. With school starting, this means you both need to be on the same page with how you’re going to manage transitions and support your child’s scholastic needs.

This is no easy task. It requires a mix of little details and big picture thinking. In some cases, it requires re-imagining trusted traditions (where will the “first day” photos be taken?) or re-arranging work schedules. In all cases, it requires that you and your ex bring your best selves to your relationship with your kids and each other.

Kids who are focused on succeeding in school, typically succeed in life. Do whatever you can to help them focus. Eliminate relationship drama and give them the security of knowing both parents are engaged.

Kids don’t care if it’s “your week” or not. Showing up for school events sends a strong message, one that will be remembered for a lifetime.

Often, a child’s emotional struggles manifest in school work. If your child is struggling academically and your efforts are failing to yield results, consider seeking professional help. Redirection is easier months into their struggle instead of years into their struggle.

Here are some suggestions. (more…)

Law Office of Steven B. Chroman P.C. Santa Clarita Divorce Article: Spooky Times

Wednesday, October 8th, 2014

Spooky Times

By Steven B. Chroman, Attorney at Law

Halloween, when you’re separated or going through a divorce with children can be a spooky time if not approached with your children in mind. Halloween is one of those tricky holidays where both parents want to have that ‘fun and scary experience.’ So what should you do so that everyone is able to have a good time, despite the fact that you’re no longer living in the same house together as a family? While Halloween isn’t nearly as tough on divorced families as other holidays, it is difficult in that it is only for one night.  This year Halloween is on a school night so the opportunities to expand into the weekend present greater challenges.  It’s only one night of walking the streets with your children saying the famed ‘Trick or Treat’ whereas Thanksgiving, Hanukah or Christmas can be spread out over two days, or even a week.

Halloween is one of those holidays that are often forgotten when laying out a parenting plan. Parents remember Christmas, Hanukah, and Thanksgiving but forget about Halloween, and that can become a source of contention since most kids report that Halloween is one of their favorite days of the year.

Some families split the day, others alternate years, while still others try to come together for the sake of the children. The good news is this is a relatively stress free holiday.

TIPS FOR SEPARATED OR DIVORCED FAMILIES ON HALLOWEEN:

1. Don’t put the kids in the middle. Don’t ask, ‘Do you want to spend Halloween at my house of your mom’s (or dad’s)?  That approach tests your child’s allegiance.

2. Share your children. If possible, see if you can share the time so that all participate. Agree to share one neighborhood, each taking the children half the time.

3. Treat the other parent well. Don’t use this occasion to reminisce about the pass or say negative things about your former spouse.

4. Take the children to a weekend trick or treat event. If all else fails, research other Halloween events are going on, such as haunted houses, neighborhood markets and stores that are having Halloween events, or have a costume party for your children and their friends on a different night. The alternatives are endless with a little creativity if you and the other parent are unable to reach an amicable resolution.

Try to adhere to the rule of ‘Put your children first’.  Remember this is their fun day.   Don’t loose perspective and hold tight to a visitation schedule that may force them to spend their time away from their friends simply because it’s your designated time with your child. In truth, it’s not your time or your ex’s time…it’s your child(ren)’s time.

The Law Office of Steven B. Chroman was recently recognized by the Los Angeles Business Journal for the Corporate Citizens Award and The San Fernando Valley Journal for the Trusted Advisor Award. For more information and a complimentary consultation for divorce and divorce coaching, custody, support, pre and post nups, contact the Law Office of Steven B. Chroman, P.C. at 661-255- 1800 or visit us at www.chromanlaw.com.

Author of the #1 Best Selling Divorce Workbook, visit www.chromanlaw.com.

 

Divorced Moms Article: 7 Habits of Highly Effective Single Moms

Thursday, October 2nd, 2014

7 Habits of Highly Effective Single Moms

By: Terry Gaspard with Divorced Moms

There is definitely an art and a science to successful single parenting. Since I was raised by a single parent and raised two children solo for a few years, it’s worth mentioning that there is a silver lining to being a single mom. Fortunately, many moms gain self-confidence in their ability to handle challenges and their children become more determined and independent.

However, making the transition from married to single life won’t be easy for you or your children. It takes time to adjust to financial changes, expanded household and child care responsibilities and to being alone. It’s essential that you develop daily habits and routines to smooth the way for you and your children.

The key to successful single parenting is to reflect daily upon the importance of preparing for your new life and accepting that change is necessary. It will take time for you and your children to adjust to your new lifestyle but developing a positive mindset will help ease the transition.

Since I’ve always found paradigms and principles useful to setting goals, I will borrow habits from Stephen R. Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and adapt them for single moms. In several cases, I borrowed his heading and in others, developed my own.

7 Habits of Effective Single Moms:

  1. Be proactive: Get support for yourself and your children. This includes counseling, social outlets and child care. Avoid playing the role of victim and remind yourself that things will get better over time.
  2. Create a positive vision: Take control of your life and develop a clear picture of where you are heading. Decide what your values are for raising your children and start with setting three goals that are meaningful to you. Keep in mind that it can take up to a month to see any change.
  3. Prioritize: Don’t sweat the small stuff and keep the focus on spending time with your kids and positive interactions. For instance, in our house we had pizza on Tuesday nights which gave us one week night to spend more time together when I wasn’t so focused on cooking and cleaning up. (more…)

Huffington Post Article: 10 Things All Divorcing Parents Should Say To Their Kids

Wednesday, May 7th, 2014

10 Things All Divorcing Parents Should Say To Their Kids

By: Sophie Rosen for DivorcedMoms.com

Divorce is undeniably a tumultuous experience for any couple, regardless of how amicable the dissolution may be. It is very easy to get caught up in our own roller coaster of emotions, as well as with the challenges of navigating the divorce process itself. It is important to remember there are innocent bystanders sitting on the sidelines, watching and listening. Regardless of age, careful attention must be paid to the children of divorce, minimizing the fallout as they interpret it. Here are a few words of advice to offer children that may help guide them through this difficult period and ease their adjustment.

1. It is not your fault. Whether a child is three or 30, it is a natural response to look for reasons why parents divorce. As children search for answers, one place they may look is inward. How children perceive a situation is altogether unpredictable, and may be based on something as seemingly insignificant as a passing glance or an off-the-cuff comment. During my separation, my then six year-old, overhearing an argument between my ex husband and myself about when things first became bad in our marriage, associated that same time with his own birth. Of course, our issues had nothing to do with him, and I still remind him of that often.

2. There is no wrong way to feel. When adults go through a divorce, emotions run the gamut. The same holds true for children. Children of all ages need to know that on some days they may feel sad, angry, hurt, or even happy about the change in their family’s situation. All of these feelings are natural, and may fluctuate throughout the day and over time.

3. There is outside support if you need or want it. As a caveat to the above, if children’s perceptions about divorce become irrational to the point of being self-destructive, it is advisable to seek help from a qualified mental health professional. Even if a child’s response is not threatening, turning to an outside party such as a therapist, support group, clergyman, trusted relative, or family friend for added support can be beneficial. Help is out there. It is only a matter of asking for it.

4. Both of your parents love you. It is extremely important to reassure children that divorce is a relational matter between two parents, and not between parents and their children. Yes, living arrangements will likely change, but the love between a parent and a child is not affected by geography.

5. Parents show love in different ways. Children often question how much each of their parents love them in the wake of a divorce. In doing so, they tend to quantify, measuring the actions of one parent against those of the other. A wide range of situations may dictate that one parent spends more time with children than the other parent, spends more money, or engages in more enjoyable activities together. Reminding children that none of these scenarios indicate how much love a parent has for a child, and may be merely logistical and unavoidable consequences of divorce, is critical.

6. Your parents’ divorce does not define you. Children need to remember that just because their parents are divorcing, they are still the same person they were before. Hopes, dreams, and goals remain the same, and their parents’ divorce is no reflection on them.

7. Your relationship with each of your parents is independent of the other. It is important for children to maintain a separate and private relationship with each parent. As tempting as it may be to play the game of he said, she said with your children, kids must feel safe and secure in their relationships with each parent in order to have consistently healthy interactions on both sides. I stopped prying long ago. If my children have something to discuss with me, they will.

8. It is not your responsibility to fix your parents’ marriage. The factors leading up to a couple’s divorce likely existed for a long time before coming to a head. Marriage is a private affair between two individuals, individuals who were once closest in the world to one another. Children are not privy, nor should they be, to what goes on between a husband and wife.

9. Marriage can be wonderful. For many years, I loved being married. Children should understand that just because their parents’ marriage may not have worked out in the end, it doesn’t mean all marriages fail. Marriage is a sacred union between two people who love and respect one another, and they will know the time, if and when, it will be right for them. Of course, there are no guarantees for a successful marriage. But no two situations are ever the same, and history does not have to repeat itself.

10. Life goes on. Children will survive divorce, as will their parents. Change is difficult, but also inevitable. Divorce can ultimately be a positive experience for everyone involved, affording a second chance at a new and better life. As parents, we would never hope for or accept anything less.


Huffington Post’s article “10 Things All Divorcing Parents Should Say To Their Kids” reminds us that reassuring our children during a divorce is always important. They don’t understand the reasoning behind their parent’s divorce and often times we don’t either, thus it is essential to let our kids know that it has nothing to do with them and that both parents love them and will guide them through it.
 
If you are having a difficult time co-parenting and need assistant in finding an amicable solution between yourself and your ex, please contact our office. We can facilitate a resolution and therefore your children may have a stable environment with two active co-parents.
 
Law Offices of Steven B. Chroman, P. C. Santa Clarita Divorce
Call 661-255-1800 for your free initial consultation.