Posts Tagged ‘CopingWithDivorce’


Spring’ Cleaning for your Separation or Divorce

Tuesday, February 28th, 2017

Spring’ Cleaning for your Separation or Divorce

By Steven B. Chroman, Attorney at Law

Spring is in the air! The new breath of life that enters with the change of season can apply in more ways than one. If you think you might be filing for divorce this year, I’m here to encourage you to put some of that springtime energy into getting yourself organized. Here are some tasks to put you in excellent shape for spring, tax filing and the beginning the divorce process.

Get your financial documents in order:

As part of your preparation for divorce, you need to gather and secure copies of all financial documents. My Divorce Workbook-(free for Amazon Prime Members) is a great tool which has a checklist as a starting point, from there you can add whatever is unique to your individual circumstances. Keep the copies with a trusted friend or family member, or use a safe deposit box that your soon to be Ex can’t access.

Having important documents on hand early in the divorce process means you save yourself the time, expense and possible unpleasantness of trying to get copies of them later.

Check into your credit:

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Holiday the Divorced Way

Tuesday, January 24th, 2017

Holiday the Divorced Way

By Steven B. Chroman, Attorney at Law

Every year I write an article with holiday advice. These are helpful tools and suggestions; however, we recognize that reading and doing are two very different things. This can be one of the most difficult times of the year, regardless of your marital status. My number one advice- do the best you can. You’re human and no one- NO ONE can or should tell you how to feel. In the meantime, here are some tips to help. And remember, gym memberships don’t have to be just for getting in shape, it’s a great way to meet new people and get out those pent-up emotions!

  • Accept your parenting plan and choose to make the best of it as it is. Schedule your holiday plans around your parenting agreement;
  • Create and enforce a conflict-free zone around yourself and your children. (At least try to);
  • Focus on your time with your children instead of the time you aren’t going to be together;

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The Four Divorce Alternatives

Tuesday, December 6th, 2016

The Four Divorce Alternatives

By Steven B. Chroman, Attorney at Law

No two marriages are the same, and so it only follows that no two divorces will be the same either, hence the following four broad categories of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (DIY), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the pros and cons of each one.

 

DO-IT-YOURSELF DIVORCE

The best advice I can give you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself! Divorce is very complicated, both legally and financially. You can easily make mistakes, and often those mistakes are irreversible. The only scenario I can envision when a Do-It-Yourself divorce may make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marriage lasted only two or three years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, comparable incomes and no alimony.

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SCHOOLS OUT FOR SUMMER

Tuesday, December 6th, 2016

“SCHOOLS OUT FOR SUMMER”

The Divorce Anthem

By Steven B. Chroman, Attorney at Law

That used to be the anthem we blasted on our radios as loud as can be…now the tune can equate fear. I think the most difficult part of summer break is unilateral for all parents; keeping your children occupied. Twice as hard when you have to split time with an EX. Of course it is important for parents to spend as much quality time with their children as they can, but add Divorce into the mix and you have yourself a real fun uphill battle.

If you are in a high conflict situation with your co-parent it may not be the best idea for the kids to be switching back and forth between co-parents very often during the summer months. When dealing with divorce and summer break you must always have the benefit and welfare of your children as your number one priority. If your current situation with the co-parent is unsuitable for your children to be around consider having them spend the summer with relatives or at a summer camp. It is also always a good idea to discuss with your kids about summer plans prior to their summer break and to come up with options and hear their opinions.

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Law Office of Steven B. Chroman P.C. Santa Clarita Divorce Article: Time for A New Year and A New You!

Wednesday, February 11th, 2015

JUST DO IT! Time for A New Year and A New You!

By Steven B. Chroman, Attorney at Law

This year, D-Day falls on January 5. It is the start of the first full working week after New Year’s, and the day when warring spouses are most likely to instigate divorce proceedings against one another.

After holding fire over the festive season, whether for the sake of the children, the relatives or appearances, more couples seek to end their marriages in early January than at any other time of the year.

About 1.8 million married couples consider splitting up over the festive period. Three quarters of New Year divorces are instigated by women who, by and large, are less willing to settle for an unsatisfactory relationship than they were in less emancipated times.

A survey carried out by advice website InsideDivorce.com reveals that infidelity is the main cause, followed by abuse, boredom and a lack of intimacy (from both parties).  People are quicker to throw in the towel on a bad marriage than ever before.  The trend is definitely to move on as soon as you know it’s truly over, rather than clinging onto the wreck of a bad relationship, year after year.”

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Law Office of Steven B. Chroman P.C. Santa Clarita Divorce Article: Divorce sucks, but yes, I’ve heard that one before…

Tuesday, December 16th, 2014

Divorce sucks, but yes, I’ve heard that one before…

By Steven B. Chroman, Attorney at Law

I’m going to be one of the few Lawyers to say it, but I’ve heard it all. I’m not saying this to be cocky or arrogant, I am saying this because if you are reading this, it’s because you are in the divorce section, looking potentially for an attorney and deciding when and how you will make your move as the holidays and a New Year approaches. That or you are reading it for a friend or loved one. How do I know this? Because, I’ve heard it all before, and for you, that’s a good thing because support systems matter.

I’m not implying you won’t receive individualized attention (in fact we pride ourselves on that vs. some of the larger firms out here) and I am not insinuating that your case doesn’t have its own unique nuances, but what I am saying is that I know the system, I know the players, I know the way things tend to fall and I am honest with my clients about all of the above. Just like I am saying it now.

Speak with your friends and commiserate. Go out or stay in. Cry or laugh. Do all the things you can read about in magazines, and then come in for your complimentary consultation where we can discuss your case, I can listen and give you guided professional advice as to your specific situation. You won’t scare me away, because I’ve heard it all before and then some and you will get to see if our practice is the right fit for your case.

In the meantime, here is an excerpt from our divorce coaching dialogue which we offer in addition to our legal services.

  -If you act inappropriately by being rude or disrespectful or not mindful of the judge’s orders or comments, you will dig yourself a hole that it is nearly impossible to escape from.

 – Visit the courthouse/court room in advance of your hearing- see how people act, dress, when they arrive, and how the judge acts.

  -Always say thank you to the judge at the end of your hearing, even if the outcome is less than desired.  You are thanking the judge for his/her time and consideration, even if s/he didn’t agree with you.

  -Do not interrupt the judge. Ever.

  – If you are represented by counsel, you may not speak directly to your opponent’s attorney, and conversely, your opponent’s attorney may not speak to you without your attorney present.

  -If you call or write to your opponent’s attorney when you are represented, it is not only a bad idea, but the attorney will not speak to you because of this rule.

  -Judges are people, too. This means that not only do they have bad days and make bad decisions sometimes, but also they differ in their approach to certain issues.

For more information and a complimentary consultation regarding all dissolution matters, custody, support, pre and post nups, contact the Law Office of Steven B. Chroman, P.C. at 661-255- 1800 or visit us at www.chromanlaw.com.

Author of the #1 Best Selling Divorce Workbook, visit www.chromanlaw.com.

Huffington Post Article: When Divorcing a Narcissist, Prepare for the Rage

Tuesday, December 9th, 2014

When Divorcing a Narcissist, Prepare for the Rage

By: Lindsey Ellison at Huffington Post 

When you first met your narcissist, you probably once viewed him as a majesty who could give you the keys to his fairytale kingdom. His charm, wit and charismatic personality won you over, because you so badly craved a prince charming to save you. Conversely, your needing a prince charming is exactly what attracted him to you, as it gave him the opportunity to validate his narcissistic fantasies of himself, that he is, indeed, a fairytale prince.

But now that you’re married, your prince charming has turned into a monster, and his once magical kingdom is now your inescapable cage.

Two things may happen: You will stay in the marriage and endure many more years of abuse, to the point where your low self-esteem tells you there are no other options. Or, you will have had enough and decide to divorce him.

The latter (in which you divorce him) may be the first time in your life where you are setting boundaries. You have come to the conclusion that you deserve better and you refuse to tolerate bad behavior.

But this one victorious act of boundary setting is what makes for a potentially horrific divorce. Few victims are prepared for it, and their lack of preparation can cost them thousands of dollars in attorney fees, leaving them broke and emotionally drained.

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Huffington Post Article: 16 Reasons To Be Grateful For Divorce (Yes, Divorce)

Thursday, December 4th, 2014

16 Reasons To Be Grateful For Divorce (Yes, Divorce)

By: Brittany Wong at Huffington Post 

Divorce may seem like an odd thing to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. But as plenty of HuffPost Divorce readers and bloggers will tell you, nothing forces you to reevaluate your priorities quite like a split.

Below, they share the new relationships, opportunities and strengthened bonds with their kids that made their divorces entirely worth the trouble.

1. “I am thankful to be able to breathe again. I no longer walk on eggshells.” -Tamara W.

2. “My divorce made me a stronger, more secure woman. I had no idea until after the divorce was final what an impact his hostility had on me. To be honest, divorcing him was the best decision I’ve ever made.” -Teresa F.

3. “I’m grateful I have sole custody of my daughter! I have raised her myself for seven years now. I wouldn’t change a thing. I found out what kind of man and father I was because of my divorce. It was the best thing that could have happened to me.” -Doug S.

4. “I’m thankful for my divorce because through it I learned the truth of the saying, ‘Sometimes good things have to fall apart so that better things can come together.’ Nearly five years after my first marriage failed, I’m a blissful newlywed of three weeks! He is -– and we are –- so much better than I could have imagined.” -Penney Berryman

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Huffington Post Article: What I Told My Daughter When She Asked Why Dad Left

Tuesday, November 25th, 2014

What I Told My Daughter When She Asked Why Dad Left

By: Eden Strong from Tango.com at Huffington Post

“Mommy, why did Daddy leave us?”

I feel my heart breaking as I look into her big brown eyes, tears brimming to the edges but not yet spilling over, eyes wide with the hope that maybe, just maybe this time, my answer will be different.

I love you. I am so sorry that daddy made a choice that hurt us when he left, but this was not your fault. He is not a bad person, he just made a bad choice that hurt a lot of people and I am really sorry that it hurt you. I love you. I love you more than any daddy ever will because I will always love you the most.”

That’s what I said, but what I wanted to say, what was rolling around in my brain and filling up my heart in ways that hurt so much I was sure my heart might actually explode, sounded more like this:

“Daddy left us because he is selfish. He left because he never should have had kids in the first place. I wish every day that he could see the damage that he has done to you, the damage that he has done to our family. He is a horrible excuse for a human being, he is a waste of working organs, I hope we never see him again, and quite frankly we are all better off now that he is gone.”

But really, what do you say to the wide eyes brimming with tears that are looking up to you? What do you say to a child who carries half the DNA of a person that causes your heart the daily battle of learning to forgive?

You assure her that she is loved. No matter how much you want to, no matter how deep the anger runs, you do not talk poorly about him. You assure her that the person that gave her half of her DNA is not a bad person, that she does not have evil in her. You acknowledge that she is hurting, you acknowledge that what happened is causing her pain. Because she just wants to be heard.

You be honest — that you don’t have all the answers, that you wish you could make things better but that you can’t. You let her know that it is okay to be upset and that you will always be there when she wants to talk. You remind her on a near constant basis of how wonderful she is, reinforcing that her father did not walk away from her because of anything that she did.

You tell her the most honest and powerful truth that you have which is this: That to the ends of the earth, to the sky and beyond, that you love her and that you will spend the rest of your life loving her enough for the one that is missing. You assure her that you will never leave her because every minute you get to spend with her is a blessing.

You tell her that daddy may have left, but thankfully when he did, he left the best part of him behind.


In Huffington Post’s re-posted article “What I Told My Daughter When She Asked Why Dad LeftMs. Strong from Tango.com shares with us what she told her daughter when her dad left the family.  There are so many things you want to say and finding the right words, the words that will help your children, are sometimes difficult to come by.  She explains what she said and why she said it, and she was right on the mark.  Reinforcing that they are loved is the best way to handle a situation such as divorce.
 
If you or someone you know needs guidance in a divorce or custody matter, please contact our office so that we can help assist you through what can be one of the most difficult times in one’s life, especially where there are children involved.
 
Law Offices of Steven B. Chroman, P. C. Santa Clarita Divorce
Call 661-255-1800 for your free initial consultation.

Law Office of Steven B. Chroman P.C. Santa Clarita Divorce Article: A Time to Give Thanks

Monday, November 24th, 2014

A Time to Give Thanks

By Steven B. Chroman, Attorney at Law

I want to take a moment as the holiday seasons approach and say, thank you.  Thank you Santa Clarita for being supportive of my small business and allowing me the opportunity to work with and help guide you in a most sensitive of matters.  In a referral based business, it is your reputation and the relationships that make a difference at the end of the day.   I wish you all a happy and healthy Thanksgiving.  On that note, I wanted to leave you with a little divorce humor.

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
 
“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
 
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.” 
 
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.”
 
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
 
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay” he says, “they’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way. 

For more information and a complimentary consultation regarding custody, support, pre and post nups, divorce and estate planning please contact the Law Office of Steven B. Chroman at 661-255-1800 or visit us at www.chromanlaw.com

Author of the #1 Best Selling Divorce Workbook, visit www.chromanlaw.com.