Posts Tagged ‘DomesticAbuse’

Huffington Post Article: 6 Reasons Your Ex Hates You and What You Can Do About It

Wednesday, October 1st, 2014

6 Reasons Your Ex Hates You and What You Can Do About It

By: Abby Rodman, LICSW with Huffington Post 

You tried taking the high road during your divorce. You didn’t badmouth him to the kids. You didn’t tell her parents what an awful daughter they raised. You refrained from bashing him to his boss. You didn’t slash her tires. You behaved like a grown-up. For the most part. There was that one time you… well, never mind that. It’s all in the rearview now. Your scorecard might not be perfect — but you tried.

Despite all your efforts, you can’t figure out why your ex still seems so angry at you. Why she doesn’t sit with you at your son’s Little League games or why he prefers curt text messaging to real live conversations. Maybe he still gets pleasure from launching the occasional half-veiled insult your way or she snubs you when it would take half the energy to be cordial.

In most cases, divorce brings out the worst in people: rage, pettiness, quirks and self-righteousness all go into overdrive. Here’s why your ex may be having a hard time coming off that pile of post-divorce ugliness:

1) You drove the divorce. Typically, one partner wants the divorce and the other wants to keep trying. Of course, you may have passed this baton back and forth for years until you finally cried uncle. But if you pushed to make the divorce a reality, you may be faced with an ex who now believes she is the unwitting victim of your home-wrecking awfulness.

What you can do: Unfortunately, very little without her on board. If you’re able to have a civilized sit-down with your ex, gently suggest you both lay down your gauntlets and accept the marriage wasn’t meant to be — and that, sadly, both of you are to blame for its downfall. Repeat as necessary.

2) Money, honey. Could be that things were financially okay while you were married, but now you’re both struggling. Maybe you’ve made peace with living with less while your ex is resentful he has to. If you wanted the divorce (see #1), your ex may blame you for being forced to tighten his belt.

What you can do: If possible, try not to make every convo with your ex about money. Accept it’s now on you to make your own ends meet. When financial issues arise, show him you’re willing to negotiate fairly. If it’s become your fondest objective in life to make his financially difficult, consider it may be time to focus on something healthier. (more…)

Financial Support and Protection Against Abuse Prior To or While the Divorce is Pending. By: Law Offices of Steven B. Chroman P.C. Santa Clarita Divorce

Tuesday, March 11th, 2014

We know how the uncertainty associated with a pending divorce can be unsettling to everyone.  The husbands and wives that are totally dependent, however, upon his or her spouse for their financial welfare, as well as the welfare of the children are the most frightened and uncertain.  For a spouse fearful for his/her physical safety at the hands of an abusive mate, this strain can make the prospect of divorce more than they are willing to face.

Not knowing how they will pay the bills, care for their children, or protect themselves and their children from a violent spouse, has kept many a husband or wife from taking that first big step and filing for divorce. The result can be depression and hopelessness because the person feels trapped in a loveless and dangerous marriage.

But there is an alternative. A request for restraining orders may include a request for financial support, both spousal support and child support.  The necessary forms and information must be filed with a request for restraining orders.  The requesting spouse requests the Court to provide them with financial relief for their living expenses, support for their children, and even pay attorney fees. Once issued, the order remains in place until further amended by the court, until the divorce is dismissed, or until the final divorce judgment is entered and a final support order is established.

In situations where one spouse is fearful of a physically or emotionally abusive husband or wife, the restraining orders can also request the abusive spouse be excluded from the family home.  Restraining Orders Motions Are Not Granted Automatically—Having a Good Attorney Helps! More importantly, none of these protections, nor the financial relief, is automatic upon filing the motion. The court must agree with the necessity and order their implementation.

Our office brings the compassion, experience and skill required in dealing with these situations and in seeing that the appropriate level of support and protection is provided.  We work closely with the Domestic Violence Center and suggest you contact them if you need a safe place for you and your family.

Divorce is a difficult experience on many levels: emotionally, legally, and often financially. Having the right Attorney or Mediator can reduce all of these burdens. The Law Offices of Steven B. Chroman, P.C., is committed to helping you understand your options and make the best choices for yourself and your future.  Please call 661-255-1800 for your free consultation.