Posts Tagged ‘SantaClaritaDomesticViolenceCenter’

Huffington Post Article: 6 Reasons Your Ex Hates You and What You Can Do About It

Wednesday, October 1st, 2014

6 Reasons Your Ex Hates You and What You Can Do About It

By: Abby Rodman, LICSW with Huffington Post 

You tried taking the high road during your divorce. You didn’t badmouth him to the kids. You didn’t tell her parents what an awful daughter they raised. You refrained from bashing him to his boss. You didn’t slash her tires. You behaved like a grown-up. For the most part. There was that one time you… well, never mind that. It’s all in the rearview now. Your scorecard might not be perfect — but you tried.

Despite all your efforts, you can’t figure out why your ex still seems so angry at you. Why she doesn’t sit with you at your son’s Little League games or why he prefers curt text messaging to real live conversations. Maybe he still gets pleasure from launching the occasional half-veiled insult your way or she snubs you when it would take half the energy to be cordial.

In most cases, divorce brings out the worst in people: rage, pettiness, quirks and self-righteousness all go into overdrive. Here’s why your ex may be having a hard time coming off that pile of post-divorce ugliness:

1) You drove the divorce. Typically, one partner wants the divorce and the other wants to keep trying. Of course, you may have passed this baton back and forth for years until you finally cried uncle. But if you pushed to make the divorce a reality, you may be faced with an ex who now believes she is the unwitting victim of your home-wrecking awfulness.

What you can do: Unfortunately, very little without her on board. If you’re able to have a civilized sit-down with your ex, gently suggest you both lay down your gauntlets and accept the marriage wasn’t meant to be — and that, sadly, both of you are to blame for its downfall. Repeat as necessary.

2) Money, honey. Could be that things were financially okay while you were married, but now you’re both struggling. Maybe you’ve made peace with living with less while your ex is resentful he has to. If you wanted the divorce (see #1), your ex may blame you for being forced to tighten his belt.

What you can do: If possible, try not to make every convo with your ex about money. Accept it’s now on you to make your own ends meet. When financial issues arise, show him you’re willing to negotiate fairly. If it’s become your fondest objective in life to make his financially difficult, consider it may be time to focus on something healthier. (more…)